Just Breathe
Just Breathe
There’s a lot going on in the world today, and it’s leaving many of us unsure about how to feel, who to trust, and what to believe. In the world of business, this can happen on a smaller scale anytime there is a change in leadership, or a large initiative is impacted within an organization. Change as we know is inevitable. We all experience large- and small-scale changes in our lives. Some of them can be in our control and a choice we made, and others are out of our control, and come from out of the blue, leaving us reeling. When these changes occur, we often have time to adjust our nervous system for those we saw coming and could plan for, and therefore in some ways we can even be excited about an unknown future. When these changes are not foreseen, and/or we have no control over the decisions being made, these changes can be jarring and unsettling and the nervous system does not have time to respond, which can create emotional turmoil and in extreme situations, trauma. This creates a situation where we devolve into survival mode. Fight and Flight can kick in, as well as Freeze and Appease. I call them “I feel everything” and “I feel nothing”. We go from overwhelm to shut down and back again through this cycle, skipping over regulated states in the blink of an eye. One minute we are outraged and the next we shut down, wishing to just escape from it all.
I don’t lay this all out to make you feel worse, in fact, I’m bringing this up in an effort to help shed some light on how we can find regulated states in the chaos. In the scenario where change is expected and even desired, it can still put the nervous system on edge as it learns to adapt to new routines, customs, and cultures. Having an ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ year sounds great to many, but you still have to plan the trip, make contingencies for your responsibilities back home, put together a financial plan so you don’t run out of funds halfway through, learn another language or culture to a degree that you can successfully navigate foreign lands, and so on.
In the world of business, this might look like expansion, bringing in a new financial backer or partner, adding another location, or preparing to sell your venture for 10X what it cost to create it. In this world, our nervous system still needs time to rest, time to reset and find solid footing to build a new routine, adjust to a new culture and a new understanding of life in the future. We may move into “I feel nothing” and go within, withdrawing for a while. We may also get very excited about the successful opportunity in an “I feel everything” moment, but it is shaky ground. One small shift in something not going exactly as you had hoped, and the house of cards can come crashing down. Perhaps the offer is less, perhaps the contract terms aren’t what you wanted, and you have to compromise, and so on.
Survival Mode
image credit: happieshealth.com
In the scenario where change is not what you would desire, or came as a sudden shock to the system, the nervous system must still find a regulated state the same as if the change was exciting and planned. We must still find a way to adjust, to create routine and find rhythm in the new pattern, seek out what is within our control, and let go of what is not. Often, in the messy middle of this seeking and finding effort, we bounce against the walls of our nervous system. We move into “fight” mode. We’re lashing out, name calling, “pushing and shoving” in a sense. We’re seeking footing on uneven ground so we can get the proper stance to be ready for a fight. We plan our attack; we have a toolbox of perfect comebacks for that “other” on social media to sling when called up to the front lines. When the “other” fires back as they will of course be due to their own systems being in “fight” mode and their own toolbox full of useful one-liners as well, we are emotionally hurt. We may withdraw, cry, shout, and feel a desire to retreat to the dark, quiet, or foreign lands of solace where no one can find you in a move for “I feel nothing”.
In the world of business, this is large-scale layoffs, unforeseen changes in leadership, closing a business, or being subject to investigation. This feels like a violation and failure. There is often fear and anger, and the list of questions is longer than the list of answers. The finger-pointing, name-calling, blame and shame game starts with no winners.
These systems in our bodies are built for survival. We need them. As detrimental as they may sound, they keep us alive. To help these systems work to our benefit, we must consider the continuum on which they exist.
Our Dynamic Nervous System
One side of the system is for action, the other for restoration. They are meant to exist in concert, one benefitting the other, and moving dynamically into and out of each as the needs shift within our bodies, always seeking balance or homeostasis. In a regulated state, we use the fight/flight “I feel everything” side for finding food, for protection, for awareness of our environment, for reproduction, and so on. On the other side of this is the freeze/appease “I feel nothing” side which brings us to a regulated state of rest, cellular regeneration, growth, and restoration of bodily functions. We nurture, care for, and provide for ourselves and others when we are in a regulated state. We move from “otherness” to “one-ness” and build tribes and communities. We feed, clothe, and house. We take care of animals and plants through nurturing and compassionate natures which grow from a place of feeling safe, protected, fed, and cared for. This is all part of our DNA and subsequently our nervous system.
When we are dysregulated, we become feudal, divided, and resource-guarding then takes over. We become more nomadic, searching and seeking resources, which we intend to keep to ourselves and protect them with our lives. We no longer trust the intentions of others and assume the worst of everyone. We don’t grow, we don’t nurture, we don’t protect or care for others or ourselves. We are exhausted and in survival mode.
To support our nervous systems, we must first move out of the red zones (dysregulated) and into the green zone (regulated). We need to find a way to avoid reaction and seek reflection and response through discernment. First and foremost, we need to breathe.
Just Breathe
Ok, I get it, seems simple and ridiculous for us to manage extreme emotions by simply saying “breathe!”, but honestly – breath is linked to the rest of our nervous system in so many various ways. The expansion and contraction of our rib cage and lungs communicates to the body the state we are in, and directly impacts the heart’s rhythm, which in turn communicates to the body and brain, and visa-versa. Shallow, irregular breathing communicates panic; while slow, regular, and deep breathing communicates awareness/coherence. So, take a minute and take a deep breath in for 5 seconds and out for 5 seconds. Drop your shoulders (relax your neck and shoulder muscles) and then release your belly button (we tend to clench our abdominal muscles when in survival mode to prepare for impact). Repeat this process at least 4 times, longer if needed. This simple act will change your brain chemistry.
Now, with the brain – what are you thinking? What is your internal narrative beyond “I can’t believe she just told me to breathe, and it will all be fine…” 😊. What are you angry about? What are you sad about? What are you happy about? What are you excited about? Find it, consider it, and then breathe while you hold it in your mind and see if you gain any insights or other perspectives around your thoughts. Perhaps you’re upset about your recent electric bill. I can’t afford this; our power will be shut off!…Breathe. Then, maybe it’s because of the 5 space heaters I have going… breathe…perhaps they’ll consider a payment plan….breathe….maybe I can go down to 3 space heaters and turn them off during the day….breathe….
That’s a simple example, but it shows the subtle shift from a narrow band of focus to an expanded awareness where your brain can actually consider the options available.
Make a list – what are your options? What do you control? What is outside of your control? You can’t control the power company, but you can ask them to work with you to get caught up.
Try this exercise on larger scale problems as you get comfortable with it. You will start to notice a shift in your internal dialogue around what you perceive as challenges in your life. You can then use discernment to approach them from a regulated state.
By changing your breathing pattern alone, you can tell your nervous system you are safe. If you add the practice of focusing on gratitude to this exercise, you will expand your capabilities to notice and discern exponentially.
From Otherness to One-ness
When you do this exercise and notice a shift, then consider how you feel about the “other”. How has that shifted from before? Is there compassion available to you? Can you consider the perspective they may have? Can you see it from where they sit? Can you look into the information they have and the way they live to see how their desires for one-ness, safety, and community may share similarities to yours? Can you see how they are a human being with a nervous system that is also stressed? No? Keep breathing. Look for confirmation bias – where we see only what confirms our beliefs. Breathe into it and release it.
We don’t all have to agree as that would remove the beautiful diversity of thought which makes us all unique, but we can find common ground to realize at the base level we all desire the same thing: to give and receive love, to belong, to thrive in community. You cannot control others, only how you respond to them, so take a deep breath and respond with discernment from a regulated state of awareness and stillness.
Curious to learn more? Here’s some recommended reading:
HeartMath: https://www.heartmath.org/science/
Breath by James Nestor: https://a.co/d/goIQ8zw
Sleep, drink, breathe by Michael Breus, PhD: https://a.co/d/7Sf2pyW
The Art of Breath: A Guide to Breathing Exercises for Health and Healing: https://a.co/d/iiuu4t0
Upcoming events at Spirit2Spirit:
If you are interested in developing your leadership skills for work or personal leadership, please join us April 12th -13th for Learning to Lead with Confidence:
https://www.spirit2spirit.org/products/216318-Learning-to-Lead-With-Confidence-April
If you are seeking to further understand your own nervous system and how to balance the mind/body/spirit connection, please join us at our three-day retreat May 9th-11th hosted by Resonance Healing:
https://www.spirit2spirit.org/products/217861-3-Day-Wellness-Retreat-at-Spirit2Spirit
If you’re a horse enthusiast and wish to deepen your connection to your horse through regulating your nervous system, please join us June 13th -15th :
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